Chapter One: Pampering

I’m not hard to please. Ask anyone. But when you’re covered with fur and you’ve spent two full days traveling up the Nile under the fiery summer sun, you expect a little pampering. Especially if you’re Ra the Mighty, Pharaoh’s Cat.

Luckily, I travel with my own special pampering crew. When we reached the palace at Thebes at dawn, they whisked me away to Pharaoh’s private garden. There they offered me a cushion and a snack of spiced ibex while they unpacked their brushes and perfumes.
I was on my third chunk of ibex when a tiny voice piped up from somewhere between my ears. “Ra? You’re not really going to wear perfume, are you?”

“Of course I am,” I said. “Thebes is a noble city with high standards. I know you haven’t been before, but trust me, it’s a glamorous place. I always wear perfume here.”

“Then I’m getting off.” My fur rippled, and my buddy Khepri bounded onto the stones by my cushion. For a scarab beetle, he’s pretty quick on his feet. It must be all that dung-rolling he does.

“Suit yourself.” I snarfed up the last chunk of ibex. “But if you ask me, a little perfume wouldn’t hurt you, Khepri. Anyone who spends as much time with dung as you do — ”

“Dung smells wonderful,” Khepri protested.

“I beg to differ.” I rolled onto my side as the attendants came forward with their brushes. “You won’t catch me smelling like a dung pile, ever.”

Not for the first time, I was glad my attendants couldn’t understand a word Khepri and I were saying. (Humans never do.)

“You’re missing out, Ra,” Khepri said earnestly.

“I’m not missing a thing,” I said. “Jasmine, lily, myrrh — that’s what I call perfume.”

“Blech.” Khepri backed up until he was a safe distance away from the perfume bottles. “I think I’ll go explore the palace.”

“Sure,” I said, yawning. I bent my head and allowed the attendants to smooth the fur between my ears. That’s the bit Khepri always rucks up. “You go on ahead. I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Great,” Khepri chirped. “By then, maybe I’ll have a new case for us.”

I lifted my head. “Oh, Khepri. Not that again.” We had solved exactly one mystery together, and I had thought that was plenty. But Khepri had other ideas.

“You need to be more open, Ra,” Khepri insisted. “I keep bringing you cases, and you keep turning them down. The case of the missing loaves — ”

“They weren’t missing,” I said. “The baker’s assistant miscounted. He’s never been good with numbers.”

“ — and the case of the mysterious stranger — ”

“I told you: it was the Assyrian ambassador.”

“ — and the case of the disappearing dung pile — ”

“Khepri, I draw the line at dung.” I twisted so that the attendants could brush my tummy. “We’re Great Detectives, my friend. We require a Great Mystery, not some piddling little nothing of a case. When a Great Mystery appears, then I’ll get involved. But not before.”

“Well, I’d be okay with a Small Mystery,” Khepri said. “Even a Very Small Mystery.”

“You’re right, Khepri,” said a brisk voice behind us. “Even a Very Small Mystery would be good for Ra.”
It was our fellow Great Detective, Miu — kitchen cat extraordinaire. I flipped over and braced myself. Miu is a terrific friend, brave and loyal, but she has this strange idea that the life I lead doesn’t build character. (Honestly! Everyone knows that Pharaoh’s Cat is born with oodles of character. He hardly needs more.)
I greeted her with a ripple of my whiskers. “I thought you were going to stay on the boat and search for stowaway rats.”

“Job done,” Miu reported with pride. She rubbed a paw over her torn ear, clearing a cobweb away. “How about you, Ra? Have you accomplished anything since we arrived?”

“I’ve accomplished a snack,” I said.

Miu’s whiskers twitched. “That doesn’t count.”

“Sure it counts.” I yawned and went floppy again. The attendants were getting to my tail — my favorite bit.

“No matter how many times I see this, I can’t believe it,” Miu said, watching. “Cats are supposed to clean themselves, Ra. Like this.” She started licking her hindquarters.

I shut my eyes. “Uggh. I’m willing to give myself a quick touch-up here and there. But a serious cleaning? Licking dirt off with my tongue? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“We’re cats,” Miu said. “That’s what we do.”

“Not Pharaoh’s Cat,” I insisted. “I have people for that. See?” The attendants gave me one last stroke, then picked up their perfume bottles.

“Perfume?” Miu looked scandalized. “Ra, that’s a step too far.”

“This is Thebes, Miu. You haven’t been here before, but I can tell you, that’s how they do things around here.” As the attendants rubbed their perfumes into my fur, I sniffed at the air with a glad sigh. “Mmmm . . . this is my favorite. Jasmine with overtones of lotus.”

Miu wrinkled her nose. “Somebody needs to save you from yourself, Ra.”

I waved a languid paw. “I’m fine. No saving needed.”

Miu ignored me. She’s a very strong-minded cat. “Khepri, we’re going to have to intervene. We need to find a mystery for Ra, and
fast.”

Khepri clicked his forelegs in agreement. “Aye, aye!”

I had other ideas. Duty done, the attendants bowed and stepped back. I rose from my cushion, gave myself a good stretch, then strutted toward the door.

“Ra, where are you going?” Miu asked.

Khepri scuttled after me. “Yes, where?”

I paused at the doorway. “It’s a mystery,” I told them, and bounded away.

Chapter Two: Great Pharaoh’s Cat

Pampered or not, I can move fast when I want to. By the time Miu and Khepri caught up with me, I’d reached my destination: the side courtyard.
Khepri hopped off Miu and clambered onto me. “What’s going on, Ra?”

“Tell you in a minute,” I said.

His gold-embroidered tunic shining in the sun, Pharaoh stood with his guards arrayed around him. Before him, bowing low, was the Vizier of the South, the top official in Thebes. As Pharaoh’s deputy, he was responsible for managing the palace, collecting taxes, and ensuring that laws were obeyed in his domain.

Seeing me, Pharaoh broke off his conversation with the Vizier. “Ra, you look magnificent. Vizier, you remember my cat?”

“Indeed I do.” Turning toward me, the Vizier bowed still more deeply. “Ra the Mighty, Lord of the Powerful Paw, Great Pharaoh’s Cat, how very good to welcome you again to the royal palace at Thebes.”

The bow was a nice touch, but I wasn’t fooled. The Vizier had never been a fan of mine, not since the day I attacked his wig and chewed it up in front of the whole court. (It looked like a rat, I swear.) I was only a frisky kitten then, so you’d think he’d forgive and forget. But he hasn’t.

When Pharaoh wasn’t looking, the Vizier curled his lip at me. I curled mine right back, showing my pointy teeth.

Pharaoh smiled down on us both. “We are glad you’re pleased to see Ra, Vizier. Especially as you’ll be spending the whole day together.”

The Vizier choked. “The wh-whole day? O Ruler of Rulers, I am not worthy.”

“Possibly not,” Pharaoh agreed, “but we need you to bring Ra to the Valley of the Kings today. He is to pose for the artists who are working on our tomb. They will create a wall painting of him and a sculpture, both as large as life.”

“There,” I said to Miu and Khepri. “Now you see why I wanted a proper brushing.”

Miu looked confused. “You’re wearing perfume for your tomb?”

“It’s all part of the package,” I told her. “It sets a distinctive tone.”

She rubbed a paw against her nose. “It certainly does.”

“I’ve always wanted to see the Valley of the Kings,” Khepri said wistfully, high on the top of my head. “That’s where the pharaohs are buried in their pyramids, right?”

“You need to keep up with the times,” I told him. “Nobody builds pyramids anymore, Khepri. Too old-fashioned. Too obvious. Might as well put up a huge sign saying ‘Robbers, here’s the treasure.’ That’s why the pharaohs switched to the Valley of the Kings. It’s guarded, it’s private, and it’s only for royals. They build the tombs into the cliffs, and once they’re sealed, most people can’t even guess where the entrances are.”

“So there’s nothing to see?” Khepri sounded disappointed.

“Oh, there’s plenty of desert cliffs, if you like that sort of thing. They’re quite majestic, if you catch them in the right light. And you could probably peek in at Pharaoh’s tomb-in-progress — ”

“Ooooh.” Khepri perked up. “Really?”

“I don’t see why not. And while you’re there, we can look at mine, too. I can’t remember what I’ve told you about it — ”

“Pharaoh designed it,” Khepri chirped.

“With a chamber connected to his,” Miu put in.

“And walls patterned in carnelian and lapis lazuli — ”

“And paintings of your favorite pool — ”

“And a gilded cat bed — ”

“With a jeweled cushion — ”

“And little clay servants — ”

“To brush your fur — ”

“And a cat-shaped sarcophagus?” Khepri finished.

“Do I really talk about it so much?” I said.

“Oh, no,” said Khepri.

“Oh, yes,” said Miu.

“Well, who can blame me?” I said happily. “It’s going to be quite extraordinary. And did I mention the snacks?” Merely thinking about them made me lick my lips: wooden boxes packed to the brim with mummified quail and ibex and mutton and antelope. “I won’t go hungry in the afterlife, that’s for sure.”

As far as I’m concerned, that’s the whole point of a tomb. A gilded cat bed and a jeweled cushion are nice accessories, and I’m fond of the clay servants that will wait on me for all eternity, but it’s the food I care about most — and not just because I’m a bit of a gourmet. The priests say you need two things for a good afterlife: a properly preserved mummy, and enough food to sustain your spirit. If you don’t have those, then you can kiss the hereafter good-bye.

“Of course, everything’s a work in progress at the moment,” I reminded Miu and Khepri. “That’s why I need to go pose.”

Khepri was practically bouncing between my ears. “Ra, can I come with you?”

“Sure,” I said. “You can entertain me while they draw. You come too, Miu.”

She scratched her side with her hind paw. “I’ll pass.”

“How can you say no, Miu?” Chittering with excitement, Khepri danced by my ear. “A whole day in the Valley of the Kings — wow! We can go exploring, Ra. And maybe we’ll find a Great Mystery. Something spooky, maybe — or even buried treasure.”

“Sorry, Khepri. I’ll be too busy posing.” He looked so disappointed that I added, “But you can look around by yourself if you want to.”

Khepri looked down at his tiny forelegs. “But I won’t get very far on my own.”

I couldn’t deny it. Scarabs are small, and the Valley of the Kings is vast.

Miu sighed. “Never mind, Khepri. If you want to go exploring, I’ll take you.”

Khepri looked up. “But you said you weren’t coming.”

Miu regarded him fondly. “I changed my mind.”

A few feet away, Pharaoh was wrapping things up with the Vizier. “One last point, Vizier: we have heard rumors of discontent among the tomb workers.”

The Vizier still had his head down. “O Ruler of Rulers, do not for one moment trouble yourself. The tomb workers are delighted to serve you, as are we all. We are not worthy even to look upon your feet — ”

“Vizier, you will find out what the trouble is and report back to us before the end of the day.” Pharaoh spoke in his no-nonsense voice — a voice I knew all too well from my early clawing-the-furniture days.

The Vizier was no fool. “O Ruler of Rulers, I shall go this very minute.”

“Indeed you shall.” Pharaoh gestured toward the back of the courtyard. Six men came forward, bearing a fancy litter (or people carrier, as I sometimes call them). Backing away from Pharaoh with a series of half-bows, the Vizier crawled under its fine linen canopy.

“Up you go, Ra,” Pharaoh said.

“Hang on,” I whispered to Khepri. Leaping onto the litter, I landed almost in the Vizier’s lap — a serious miscalculation on my part. The Vizier’s hand clamped down on the scruff of my neck. With the canopy hiding his grip from Pharaoh, he tried to shove me off the litter.

Khepri darted out of my fur and ran across the Vizier’s hand. The Vizier yelped and released me. “Nice work,” I murmured as Khepri hopped back onto my head

“A beetle!” The Vizier’s lips twisted in disgust. “Crawling in the cat’s fur . . .”

Honestly, humans get so worked up about bugs.

“It’s a scarab,” Pharaoh explained. “The sacred creature is often with Ra these days. It’s a great mark of divine favor.”

“Did you hear that, Ra?” a tiny voice called out from between my ears. “I’m a mark of divine favor.”

“You don’t say?” I sampled a morsel of the roast mutton Pharaoh’s servants had kindly provided. “And here I thought you were simply my buddy.”

“Just what I need,” the Vizier muttered under his breath. “A spoiled cat with a dung beetle on his head.”

He was bent so low that he must have thought no one could hear him. But Pharaoh’s face darkened. “What did you say, Vizier?”

The Vizier glanced up in alarm and offered Pharaoh a weak smile. “O Ruler of Rulers, I said . . . er . . . it’s just what I need — a royal cat with a sacred beetle on his head.” He patted me, avoiding the spot that Khepri occupied. “What could be a better omen for the day?”

“Indeed.” Pharaoh regarded me with affection. “Ra is the ideal traveling companion. May Amon-Ra guard you both on your journey.”

Giving me a last wave, he turned away. The six bearers hoisted the litter to shoulder height.

“Where’s Miu?” Khepri whispered anxiously.

A mottled ball of fur vaulted into the litter. “Sorry,” Miu said. “I had to chase down a rat.”

The Vizier looked in disgust at Miu. “I suppose you’re under royal protection, too.” Glancing out at Pharaoh’s retreating back, he nudged us all away from him. “If I see so much as a single cat hair on my robes, you’ll all pay the price. And I’m not going to even mention the word dung.”

You just did, I thought, and I knew Khepri was thinking the same thing because he giggled.

I stretched out comfortably at the front of the litter and started shredding the Vizier’s pillows. Miu settled down beside me.

The Vizier huffed and looked the other way.

The litter swayed, and Khepri clicked his forelegs in delight. “We’re off to the Valley of the Kings!”